Learning the Hard Way

Nobody is going to do it for you.

I have never felt so dependent.

Do not expect help from anyone.

I have no idea what I am doing right now.

Start working on your thing.

I wish I knew how. 

Submissions are done.

hope mine were somewhat close.

You don’t even put the effort.

It’s all my fault. 

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Thoughts in my head

Home Alone. 1 A.M

I hope a sexual predator is not reading it the minute I post.

Funny thing how you binge watch a two year old season and hope to hop on to the next one as soon as you are done and find out that you just a bunch of crappy quality video files. And I have free internet. Literally, Jio just took the other telecom companies straight to hell. Anyway, I decided to download the High Definition versions, and I have some time to kill. Not to mention it was so spooky that the minute I said eerily to the computer screen,”Wow me”, the lights went out. It is raining crazy over here; thunder, lightning and heavy showers. Now I am just sitting with the phone’s flash light on and typing it out while the batter runs out. Not to worried about the internet though because the Wi-Fi device runs six hours without power.

The point of the post is simple. Don’t think, Just write. I am pouring out whatever is coming to head. I am not checking for any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. Okay, i just change a colon to a apostrophe. It’s not fair. I am cheating a little bit where I google something I am not sure of, but I don’t wish to tell you. The night reminds me of the hostel nights in the monsoon. We hated the summers and the monsoon. It is so bloody humid that even the pages get a little bit of moisture in them. I mean is it even possible? So, back in the day when we’d be in our hostel rooms after dinner doing nothing and the downpour would begin, it was customary to shut everything down and staring roaming the corridors; kind of like frogs. There would be one or two of us who would still be in their rooms working on their million tabs on the laptop waiting for the lights to go out. I mean it was inevitable and we knew it, yet some people would wait for the violent ones to known on their door with their feet.While all this went on. I had a ritual before the rain started. I would hear the thunder, watch the clouds, and without bothering about the bugs throw the door of the room wide open. I’d see all the action I just described above go on in the corridors as I lay on my bed with my t shirt off.

Why am I telling you all this? I am doing the same. The lights are out and I am waiting. I am hoping that somebody would come to the door right now and ask me to tag along. It is the exact same moment where I’d shut my laptop or my phone(you know why), and put on the t shirt and go out. In the same moment after two years, I am not shutting it down but instead writing it all down. I had not planned to take you on this side trip. I wanted to write about how I regret having the extra shawarma and messing up my workout routine. Don’t you dare smile. I have already lost a size. I wanted to write about how I haven’t had a single gram of sugar in the past four days. Wipe that smirk off your face. I haven’t had any dessert in weeks. I hope it pays off.

Why am I writing all this? I am shaking off the burden I have put on my self. For a long time I have been wanting to start writing again. The only thing pulling me back was my fear of lacking perfection and committing mistakes. It was the lack of confidence to construct a perfectly crafted piece. I was afraid that I had nothing to share with the world and why should I waste their time with my boring story or ideas. It is only now that I realise that every single creation of mine does not have to be for you. This is for me. I see hundreds of people trying to do something good, and I wonder how come do they have so much confidence? I even come across total nutcracks and I puzzled by their showmanship and strength with which they pursue their things. But instead of working it out how can they do so despite their lack of skills, I should be taking down a lesson. It is okay to not know and try. Maybe it is exactly what is needed to create what is truly impeccable.

The lights are still out, and I have so much to talk about. I am afraid it is just going to mess it up. Also, I see that the download is complete, and I will be getting back to the show. Argh, I still to have to work out. Don’t you dare smile again. I know it is weird to exercise at two in the night, and you can crack all the jokes you want to about the screwed up timing, but I can assure you that you are in for a big surprise if you saw me before June this year. If we have met recently, you are still in for a surprise; maybe not as big as the others will get. Or should I say as small as others would see. See what I did there? Big, small? Oh god, I am just over explaining it.

 

Love Charger

Suffice to say I had to keep a record of the lyrics which prompted me to make this post, and the song has probably the best vocal highs and nuances right after Floyd’s “The Great Gig in the Sky”. Pure bliss.
Say Every Body
Our Satguru
The Love Charger
True Love Charger

You are The Love Charger
You are The Love Charger
I am so Lucky Because
You are my Love Charger

You are The Love Charger
Billions battery when goes down
You charged up with Love
So strong Your Power Love

You are The Love Charger
You are The Love Charger
You Are The care Taker
You Are Love care Taker
You Are The care Taker
You Are The care Taker of The World
Your Love Make Spring Of The World

You are The Love Charger
You are The Love Charger
Any Moment Any Problem
In heart Call you, You any wanna
Next Movement Everywork u Are Done

You are The Love Charger
You are The Love Charger

Meet’ Heart
Meet’ Soul
Was very very dull
Satnam ji give full power.
Make me himself for all

You are The Love Charger
You are The Love Charger

The Will to Learn

I do not claim to base my judgements on any scientific basis, but all I can conjecture, at the risk of sounding an elitist, is that the intellectual level of people I met today has somehow failed to increase, even an infinitesimal increment. Given the slightest opportunity, they invariably grasp it to sexualise every single girl on the street. Every joke, every conversation results in vulgar and obscene jokes. Not that I am against good hearted sexual comedy, or that I cannot use the colloquial words, it is just that they have nothing else to talk about. It could be that after so many years of absence we don’t feel the comfort to cross the barriers of wit, and consequently refrain from indulging in any meaningful conversation, but it certainly does not mean that every punch line needs to end with crude visualisations. They also share many historical anecdotes, which I have to admit are hilarious, reminding me of the old times. They are still in touch with the old bunch,  earlier known as friends, and now just acquaintances tied by old strings of companionship. But why did they stop? I don’t think it’s the right question. Do they read books? I did hear from one two years ago that books are boring, and he speculated that book readers skip boring parts just to finish them. Has he changed? The other one, who isn’t here today, is rumoured to continuously brag about how he has become a stud after college, and keeps hooking up every week with a different girl. Is he really? With time and college, my friend circle has changed to, what I’d like to believe, better intellectual circle. Some might argue that what I am assuming to be better could in fact be a misnomer for ‘conformable’, but I don’t believe that to be true. Over the years, I have observed my changing changes in company. I tend to lean towards people who I know have something to add to my growing intellect. Leaving the old ones who have been exhausted of their brain extract, I move on. It seems very inconsiderate for it seems selfish of me to look for something in friendship, but I cannot accept the accusation. Why shouldn’t I? After all, I spend most of my time with them, and I would want to learn something for them. Naturally, the only possible way my company can stay constant is if the other one is on a constantly upward trajectory. At the same time, I expect him/her to have the same expectations from me, and I personally would want them to grow in my presence. Currently, my circle includes only a handful of people from college. I have only one old connection. It isn’t constant or even too frequent. I’d call it occasional, ‘the-shout-out’ one, and I always have one thing or the other to learn. This blog is an addition in my life because of the one. From another, I gained the inspiration to exercise and be fit. While one of the mentioned few taught me a lot on organisation and cleanliness, I learnt management from another. Patience, spontaneity, presence of mind are some of the few lessons from my best, till date, travel partner. But the biggest thank you goes to the one who adds something to me which I am not able to discern. I somehow know that what the one adds is something incomprehensible; the one consequence being the heartfelt joy reflecting as an uncontrollable smile on my face, and it is the best addition, despite its mysterious and obscure nature. Not to mention that all of them are in the habit of reading extensively, and our conversations never end without talking about book, or articles, or something knew we got to know that day. It could be a kick-starter campaign, or a simple funny video, it could be somebody’s search of links on subscription boxes, or an article on travel. From crazy start-up ideas to discussing unusual travel destinations, or even a simple conversation on how a packet of biscuits is made, no conversation goes by without something interesting.

The contrast between the people I met today after so long, and the ones I have now is immeasurable. Needless to say, and as the cliché goes, the two groups are poles apart. After a while, I ran out of things to say, and put myself to record much of this write-up in my phone right there. I came back, and didn’t miss them one bit, or even ha the longing to meet them again. By the way, I do miss people. I missed the whole bunch at my brother’s wedding after they left. Today’s case was average, and I’d be neutral in seeing them again. Sure, I’d have great laughs, relive old memories, get information on whereabouts of old acquaintances, but I know I will, at eh end of the day, come back the same as I had left.

The Beginning

The Box is on! After two years of day dreaming and constructing it in my head, I have finally begun. I am currently reviewing the first batch of material, and shortlisted some of it to go through. My very own creation.

 

 

 

The real problem

You know what is the real problem with this country? The people have dumbed down how a country is run! From dirty water to local bribery, Modi promised ‘ache din’. Unemployment, food shortage; Modi is not doing anything. Intolerance (I call it ‘crying like a big fat sissy girl’), religious riots; Modi is responsible. I mean really! Think hard for a second how every minute of his life is managed by his private secretary, how jet lagged he must be after meeting Silicon Valley Entrepreneurs, Foreign diplomats asking them to invest in India, urging the people to get up their fat asses and clean their own streets, the number of lunches with business lobbies, meetings with trade and worker unions, briefings with State Officers and Ministers on their problems. You think that he has time to sit in his office after the whole work, call his friends, and say,”You know what, let’s have some fun with this Jawaharlal Nehru University.”

The problem is that you think it is so easy to just go to Swiss authorities and fill out a form where they intentionally run a program for disclosing black money account holders. They’ll ask you to sit down, have a cup of tea with cookies while they run a magic program in their computers, print out a list for you with the actual names of the holders, come out and say,”There you go, sir. Now that we have done this for you; every country in the world will run to us, and it will be our pleasure to do the same for them, and ruin our economy which earlier heavily depended upon that money. But we understand that you will get ‘ache din’, even if it mean taking one up our bottoms. Thank you. Feel free to contact us anytime, even after we become an impoverished nation in the middle of Europe.”

The real problem is that students of this country are pathetic. The teachers, irrespective of the curriculum they adhere to, are pathetic. With no creativity or innovation, you are made to believe as if your education meant something, and over the course of time, the students learn these words, ‘Communism’, ‘Karl Marx’, ‘Proletariat’, and their favourite, ‘Comrade’. Why? We don’t know how communism provides a better platform to run a nation than free market, or concerned how the past record of the states who accepted it have performed. We just care how it stands for radical changes, principles of equality, bringing a revolution, and adopting the panacea for all of today’s problem. Oh, by the way, we love those posters of Che Guevara.

I am not concerned with whether the videos are doctored or not. On the issue of sloganeering, I am sure I can never tell who is telling the truth, just like a mother can never know which brother initiated the fight. What I am concerned with is how the students stand up on the podium for their final answer to Miss Universe, and say,”We all should fight world hunger. Education should be provided to all. More jobs should be created. Religious tolerance must be practiced. Racism should be banned. Let’s make an egalitarian world.” Wow, really helpful suggestions, as if we didn’t know what should be done.

The real problem is that you don’t know how the real stuff works, and cook up imaginary solutions by dumbing it down.

That’s enough for today, I guess.

 

I’ll write tomorrow

It’s 3 a.m in the morning and I am up for the sole reason that I had promised myself to write a new post before I said good night to myself. Russian airstrikes in Syria, Refugee Crisis at European doorstep, stupid communist students, the possibility of world citizenship. I had so much to write about, and as soon as I logged on, poof! It is so funny that during the whole day, my mind automatically dwells upon these night times; the sentences I would type out, the stuff I would write about. They flow naturally at that particular moment, and now even the beginning seems a huge challenge; or maybe I shouldn’t fuss over it so much since it is only my second blog post.

The real problem with you is that you don’t have the right words, and neither do you have the right set of sentences. You start a post with vague ideas in your head without a concrete flow of your write up. Remember how you write an essay? You form the basic argument structure, and a chain of  thoughts, one leading to another finally reaching the conclusion that you wish to tell. Now, you are sitting staring at the computer screen wondering whether the third sentence that you type should really fit in before the second or after the fourth. How about you write about the growing blind obedience in schools, but before you hop onto it, why don’t you try and roughly work out the structure? Think over it. Also, this is enough for today. Why don’t you call it a night and work on it tomorrow?

 

The Beginning

I have decided not to wait any longer. Four years have rolled by and I am yet to begin with my writing. There have been days when I felt I needed another grammar course to bring perfection to my very first write up; days when I thought I needed to read more books to have a complete sense of artistic writing to begin. I simply did not want to randomly type shit onto the screen, which is exactly what I am doing right now. I deliberated over the name of the blog countless number of times, but today I had had it. It feels like retching; the words are welling up inside me and I am just vomiting them out.

Finally!

The inspiration, or rather the annoyance, to begin was a direct result of an introspective chat I had with myself at the roof of a hostel in Vietnam. I was discussing with myself the extent to which a person can change himself/herself in one year. Forget change; I wish to talk about how better can someone become in that time period. Having made up a cynical, defeatist notion that one can really talk about transformation in terms of decades and not years really, I went through the tedious process of placing every single person I know in that group. I wanted to brand everyone, every single being I had met till date, as a snail. Now maybe I have never come in contact with dynamic personalities ever in my life, or the deductions from the observations were actually true. Irrespective of that, I decided at that very moment that I would better myself in one year. The only question remained was how?

I wonder how!

I made a list; a small simple list of the things I’d like to do in one year which could, in my naive untested opinion, make me better. It was not based on any scientific method, or a set criteria on how to evolve. The first thing I included was learning how to ride a horse. Before anyone goes off contesting on how it fits into the scenario, I wish to say that I am not willing to offer any logical explanation for it. All I want to do is learn a new skill. The second was read one hundred books in one year. I was very confident about it when I typed it onto my phone. Two months, and I have read two books. The third was to work on an idea I have had in my head for two years. I’ll talk about it later. The rest: learn a new language, learn forex trading, earn my first paycheque, give GMAT, and many more.

Let’s do this!

I have been procrastinating everything. I have downloaded the membership form for the equestrian club, but delaying contacting them for classes. There are still ninety eight books remaining. I have barely started discussing about the idea with my friend. The hunger for learning a new language died out (I killed it). Don’t even talk to me about forex trading (I have absolutely no idea about it).I did, however, finish one chapter from one GMAT book.

60/365. FUCK!

But I am beginning. The one thing I haven’t mentioned was on the list was “Start writing”, and that is what I am going to do today. All I hope with this little push is that I get the opportunity to sit on December 31st, and strike off everything on ‘The List’.

It is such a shitty post!